Wednesday, February 28, 2007

IRRATIONAL FEARS: Or, how the escalator really did try to eat me

So one day when I was about 13 I was at the department store with two lovely ladies. We'd piddled about on the top floor and were headed back downstairs. All of my life I have always been a bit wary of escalators. Getting on and off of them seemed like a skill, and while riding them I felt like I had accomplished something. But most importantly is the approach and the dismount. The approach should not be rushed, nor should it be interrupted for any reason. Sudden movements during any interaction on the escalator should be avoided at all costs. And now I will tell you why....
We made our way towards the escalator and I was the first one on. I made a nice approach and bounded my way on. I was carried down about a step and a half when I hear behind me "Wait a minute!" and a hand reaches out to grab my shoulder and turns me around. At this point I was shocked. SHOCKED! And wondering what could be going on when I plummeted to a bloody confrontation with the escalator monster. And by escalator monster I do mean the one that eats kids. I had turned around and fallen on the escalator as it was going down. Scared and nervous, I tried to keep the escalator monster at bay by running/crawling up the escalator. This did not work, for the faster I went the more bloody my knees became. By the time I was hauled back onto the top floor (and by hauled I mean that the hand that grabbed my shoulder was the same one to grab my shirt and yank me off of the escalator and onto the soft carpeting)(the soft carpeting that added rug burn to my already bloody knees) and to safety. I was shaken. I had just come face to face with the escalator monster and I was thirteen years old! Not three or six, but a freaking teenager! I felt humiliated! I was crying! And the nice sales lady was applying tissues from one end of my body to the other.
Is there a lesson in this? Yes, before you get onto the escalator, wait until the rest of your party is on ahead of you. Or, take the stairs.

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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Risque Construction Paper

Jen Stark. Found a link to her work on www.dooce.com
I like it. Except...this one looks like clown boobs sticking out of the wall. Thoughts?

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Monday, February 26, 2007

Because They're Mine

SOPHIE

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HOWL

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TOGETHER

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Letter to Howl

Dear Howl, I know you love us. I know that you are still a baby. Especially when you rush onto the bed around 5 am and gently knead Glenn and I. First one, and the the other, and then back to the first. Back and forth repeatedly. Until you finally pick your designated pal for that morning. And last Saturday morning? Can I just say it was so precious as you snored and purred. Snore-purrrrrrrrrr, snore-purrrrrrrrrrrr, snore-purrrrrrrrrrrrr. And you were all cuddled up in the crook of my arm like a little baby. Fast asleep and purring. And just like a baby, you FREAKED OUT WHEN THAT ALARM WENT OFF! BECAUSE OH!MY!GODS! PEOPLE! IT'S SUNDAY MORNING! WHAT IS THAT ALARM DOING! Let's not forget to mention the whole sink issue.
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You won't lay in it, but you like to watch the drain. Or maybe it's the dripping. I haven't figured it out yet, and I can tell that you haven't figured it out yet either. Love, Col

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Day Around Town

  • First, wake up by getting a massage from a purring kitty.
  • Loll about on the computer playing Sims.
  • Return library books.
  • Make an appointment at the raving hair cutters.
  • Attempt to get a car wash in the rain.
  • Realize that the carwash is closed.
  • Use their free vacuums while it starts to drip.
  • Dive into your car when you realize how much drippage has accumulated on your seats.
  • Drive around until you find yourself at the little Greek café.
  • Order something with lamb, grab a raspberry tea and call up your friend while you wait.
  • Your friend decides to join you at lunch then you wander off to the raving haircutter’s. And by raving I do not mean that he is mean or hateful. He just likes to talk. And it’s fun, unless you get easily to moderately offended. It was truly an experience. I did like it though when he bowed after cutting my hair.
  • Stretch your legs a bit by walking uphill to the Best! Used! Bookstore!
  • Get lost in there while looking, only to get a call from the friend you walked in there with. Consider it a cellular Marco Polo.
  • Next! Go to Wal-mart and purchase “Light Reddish Chestnut” hair dye. (NOTE: Next time get two bottles as you have lots of hair.)
  • Part ways with your friend and go home where you clean house! Why? BECAUSE YOU HAVE A NEW KITCHEN! YAY!!!
  • The perfect time has come to give your cats the new furry toy mousies. They will scamper, act surprised and get crazy playing with the new toys. (NOTE: Do not be surprised if you find the younger kitty attempting to retrieve the rest of the packaged mousies from the toy basket that you placed behind the couch and on the tallest shelf.)
  • Now you’re hungry. Proceed to Sonic where they will forget part of your order and give you coupons that amount to a free meal with ice cream. Yippee!!!
  • It’s late at night, and girls love to throw hair dye parties late at night. Halfway thru this dying, send your husband back to Wal-mart for another package of hair dye.
  • Congratulations! You look like a princess thanks to your friends terrific hair dying skills.
  • Collapse on the bed.

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Sunday, February 25, 2007

Light Reddish Chestnut. No Seriously, That's the Name on the Box.

Great minds think alike. And I thought it would be cool to be a redheaded, Irish lass on my birthday.

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And thankfully we got Joy's bloody fingerprint off of me in time. ;)

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Friday, February 23, 2007

Wrinkley and Green

  • I've been thinking a lot about making gift baskets.
  • Watching Sophie follow me around and lay on top of me while I'm sick.
  • Getting chores around town done before 8 a.m.
  • Knowing when to use a coupon and knowing when to hang on to it.
  • Arkansas is #1! http://green.yahoo.com/

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Monday, February 19, 2007

'I'm a Slayer. Ask me how!'

This makes me realize something. And it's giving me ideas. For my next Halloween costume. Buffy getting mouthy.

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Today's Musical Number is...

Cool Rider!

*They didn't have a vid for the Talent Show.

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My Babies

I found some thing. Well, some things. They are made of one long continuous string. And are to be worn around the neck. To me, that means they can be turned into decorations, Halloween ornaments, computer monitor decorations. Or, if your like me, put them in a curio cabinet and refer to them as your babies when you're a little old lady. May I present STRING DOLLS! Here is little Iron Davey!

Next is the Warrior Woman. Although I believe she resembles the First Slayer from Buffy. What do you think?



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Thursday, February 15, 2007

We Had Fun ;)

A more romantic evening could not have been spent! I came home to find a lovely steak dinner waiting for me. As well as these beauties on my desk!

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And then we watched one of my all time favorite movies! The 13th Warrior!!! The kitties were thrilled.

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Their reaction was the same later that night when we watched Alien Resurrection.
And what did Glenn get? Two physics books and this shirt.

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Because nothing says "Have a Happy St. Valentine's Day" like a blood sucking vampire!

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Monday, February 12, 2007

Letter to Howl

Dear Howl, I know you love us. I know that you are still a baby. Especially when you rush onto the bed around 5 am and gently knead Glenn and I. First one, and the the other, and then back to the first. Back and forth repeatedly. Until you finally pick your designated pal for that morning. And last Saturday morning? Can I just say it was so precious as you snored and purred. Snore-purrrrrrrrrr, snore-purrrrrrrrrrrr, snore-purrrrrrrrrrrrr. And you were all cuddled up in the crook of my arm like a little baby. Fast asleep and purring. And just like a baby, you FREAKED OUT WHEN THAT ALARM WENT OFF! BECAUSE OH!MY!GODS! PEOPLE! IT'S SUNDAY MORNING! WHAT IS THAT ALARM DOING! Let's not forget to mention the whole sink issue.
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You won't lay in it, but you like to watch the drain. Or maybe it's the dripping. I haven't figured it out yet, and I can tell that you haven't figured it out yet either. Love, Col

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Men Remember Her Eyes....

Col in a Half Shell!

My new ride.

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Love is...

  • building your wife a new kitchen.
  • buying special treats.*
  • watching our favorite movies together.
  • cuddling with the kitties.
  • 1,651 posts to date. =)


*ice cream bars.

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Friday, February 09, 2007

Rule Number One: Do not cry.

A "How To" List for just about anything. Including how to survive in prison.

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P-I-R-A-T-E!

I found a perfect theme for a kid's room!

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A video to go with Sarah MacLachlan's version of "Rainbow Connection."

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Today's Theme: ODD

I just thought "happy" followed by "chocolate" and "shopping for shoes!" Pictures of Giant German Bunnies are floating around. Not to mention aliens. Naked cats. Skeletons of Romeo and Juliet. Cats dressed as Naruto. Yesterday I also made someone wish (?) that they would wake up because they thought that talking to me was a dream. I just have this affect on people. And it's only 10:30 am.

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Spectacular!

I always laugh when I see this.

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Another Actual Conversation

Jonny: let me back in, i died.

Col says: i never want to see that message again!

Jonny: What message?

Col says: "let me back in, i died."

Col says: it would be very disturbing if it was anything else but a chat room

Jonny: That's what makes chat rooms such wonderful places to live.

*title lovingly torn off of VJ's page.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Like the Guilty Catholics?

I never knew this and find myself highly intrigued by this fact.
People in Japan either consider themselves, Shintoist, Buddhists or both. That said, the Japanese are not very religious in the sense that they do not live their life according to their religion. The average Japanese typically follows the rituals from their religious beliefs on matters like birth, weddings and death only. Today, there are 90million people in Japan who consider themselves Buddhists.

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SOOOOOO TAAAAAASTY!!!!

They give me a hot mouth.

HICKORY BBQ!!! C'mon people! That alone should make you want some!

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Hug It

Looking at my hips in the mirror today, my first thought was "My gods! Those could kill a man!"

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Friday, February 02, 2007

Fantastic!

I eat pizza every night. Corey Haim

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My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Reverend Lady Colleen the Intractable of Lower Wombleshire
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

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